theSun | WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 6 2008
Nabbing your target
SELF-HELP GURU MARGARET KENT SHOWS WOMEN HOW TO ATTRACT AND SETTLE DOWN WITH THE MAN OF THEIR CHOICE
by S. Indra Sathiabalan
PLANNING to land a husband? You could do a lot worse than flipping through Margaret Kent’s definitive guide on the subject, How to Marry the Man of Your Choice, published by Little, Brown & Company.
The book does make for an interesting read, especially since Kent, a lawyer, offers viewpoints about men’s psyche.
Kent used her own life experiences (written in the book) to help her marry the man of her choice. In fact she did it twice. In the late 1960s, Kent acted as translator for lawyer and psychiatrist George Kent and it was through his work that she encountered women who had marital problems.
Seeing a pattern to these problems, the soon-to-be Mrs. Kent turned them into strategies and used them to marry George, whom she had fallen in love with. She later gave courses on the subject to help other women.
How To Marry The Man Of Your Choice (first published in 1984 and then revised in 1987 and 2005) was essentially the lesson plan of the numerous courses Kent gave not only in the US but other countries around the world.
After her husband died in 1979, she took up law. In 1981, she met tax expert Robert Feinschreiber and, despite him being aware that she was using the marriage strategy on him, they got married in 1984.
During an email interview with Kent, she speaks about how society tends to put pressure on a woman to get married, whether or not if she is ready to settle down.
Kent says: “A woman should never lose the ability to attract men, feel comfortable talking with men, and understanding men. These also are basic needs if you are a woman who must work with men and who is the professional colleague of men.
Enjoy friendships and even flirting harmlessly with men until you want to marry. Otherwise, by the time you decide to marry, you may not have a clue about men.”
In this day and age, marriage is not the beginning and end of all women. “No woman should feel obligated to marry. I wrote How To Marry The Man Of Your Choice to provide women with a skill set. I want women to marry the men they chose if they decide to marry.
If a woman doesn’t want to marry, I suggest she also read the book so that she does not inadvertently do something to attract men.”
Kent believes that just as you are Miss Right for someone, there is also a Mr. Right just for you. “People are not perfect. However, look for a man whose faults don’t disturb you, nor your’s him.”
Women often make mistakes when looking for a life partner. Kent explains: “Women make so many mistakes that it took me a whole book to re-teach women ... one error can destroy the path to marriage.”
One of the key things is to first meet as many men as possible to be certain you will find your ideal mate. Kent also gives a few other pointers.
“Women who look like decision makers who are in control of their lives don’t understand how a man views them. Men think: ‘This lady knows what she wants in life. If she wanted me she would simply say hello.’ So she meets no one.
“Another mistake is to talk too much on dates. People fall in love by talking. That’s why women fall in love first. So ladies, keep your mouths shut – only open your mouth to say ‘how interesting’, ‘tell me more’ and ‘wow’, etc. and the man will fall in love first,” explains Kent, who adds, “Of course, if the man bores you, say goodbye and ‘next’. If you are a good listener, men will flock to you.”
The next mistake women make is that they are too nice to men. Kent recommends being “selectively bitchy” or else risk boring your target. She points out: “Notice that the nasty women seem to have no trouble marrying.”
Kent’s target readership is single women who are in their 20s, 30s, or even 40s, who know their own minds, who have goals and aspirations. “This woman is tired of failing in relationships or not having any relationships, and is willing to give me a chance to teach her more about men and what they really want from a woman,” Kent adds.
No doubt, one would think a book that teaches you how to talk, how to dress and how to assess a man will just take the romance out of a relationship. But Kent disagrees.
“No, it enhances it. Much like the rules of any game, it is more fun when you participate and can realise how successful you are, and not be shocked by success or failure only at the end. Besides, I make it great fun for both men and women instead of a nerve wracking process.”
So what happens when the man you are trying to land realises what you are up to? “I recommend that a woman share the information in the book with a man.
Men love it! A man will realise that he is your chosen one and not a victim of underhanded manipulation. He should feel chosen among all other men by you.”
How to Marry the Man of Your Choice (RM49.90) is available in major bookstores.