Sunday June 1, 2008
Manual for the manhunt

Review by SHARMILLA GANESAN

HOW TO MARRY THE MAN OF YOUR CHOICE

By Margaret Kent

Publisher: Warner Books, 219 pages

ISBN: 0446692794

IT is difficult to keep scepticism at bay when picking up a book entitled How to Marry the Man of Your Choice; after all, if we received a ringgit for every book that teaches a gal how to snag the perfect man, we’d probably be able to afford that swanky wedding in the Bahamas!

Margaret Kent’s book, however, is neither run of the mill nor faddish. Originally written 20 years ago, the book can be described as one of the pioneers of its genre. And, it has now been updated and re-released for the current era.

While the ultimate aim of the book remains teaching women how to find and marry the best man for them, Kent emphasises that the key word in the book’s title is “choice”.

“Choice is a big word in all this. You can take the steps in my book to any level you desire, whether it is becoming more popular, having better dates, or getting married. I want women to have the option of choosing, and making the right choice,” shares Kent, 65, during a recent trip to Kuala Lumpur with her husband.

“The book is intended for women who want to find a man, but are not successful in it.

“I certainly didn’t invent the techniques and methods I describe in the book. I observed what was going on around me and to me, and organised it for the poor women out there who simply didn’t know.”

Kent can vouch for the effectiveness of her methods – they helped her land her husband, Robert Feinschreiber, 64.

Kent proudly states that she used her “marriage strategy” on him, and Feinschreiber, for his part, had no problems with it.

“All her observations about men and how to get them to commit are spot on. The truth hurts sometimes, but it is definitely better to know it,” he says.

They have been happily married for 25 years now, and live in Miami, Florida.

Going against the myth that love somehow just happens, Kent advocates actively working on getting the man of your choice to fall in love with you.

In her book, she also describes the process of ensuring a man is right for you, calling it “interviewing a man for the job of your husband before you audition for the job of his wife.”

“I’d like women to do something that might sound very simple, but somehow turns out not to be: to see reality before they commit to man,” says Kent.

In her book, Kent takes women through the entire process of finding and marrying the right man, from truly understanding the male psyche right up to the engagement and wedding.

The first step, she says, is to meet enough people, and Kent’s book is full of suggestions on where to meet single men.

One goldmine for single gals, she explains, are restaurants that serve breakfast.

“That is where a lot of single men are. Trust me, you can attract anyone with a cup of coffee and a newspaper!”

And what’s a big no-no? Going out to look for single men with your also-searching girlfriends. After all, you want to stand out, not decrease your visibility!

“After you meet several different types of men, you can start ‘interviewing’ them for the job of the husband. It is important to understand that you have the power to accept or reject the ‘candidate’,” says Kent.

After the best man has been selected, it is time to make him fall in love with you.

At this point, Kent says the dumbest thing a woman can do is go out with him to places where he will be entertained by something other than her.

“Make your first few dates conversation-oriented, so that he can really talk to you about himself. No movies, plays or concerts!”

The next step may come as a surprise: learning to criticise him. “Criticism sticks in his mind and sets you apart from other women. If you want a man to start looking at you as a potential wife, you have to act his wife. I don’t mean doing his laundry, though!

“You have to learn to criticise him the way his mother might, by balancing the compliments with some criticism. He will unconsciously associate this with love and affection,” says Kent.

And finally, let him know that you’re ready for marriage. Gone are the days of waiting around for a proposal; Kent advocates taking matters into your own hands.

“Open the door, so that he can walk through it,” she says.

And what are some of the cardinal sins women make when it comes to men?

The biggest mistake, according to Kent, is thinking that the man is going to take the first step.

“Trust me, the more intelligent, successful and charismatic the man is, the less likely he is to make that first move! This is because all men are afraid of rejection, and the more they have going for them, the more of a blow it is to their ego if they are turned down.”

Kent adds that most women don’t realise the power they have over a man. “They are not going to make the first move unless you give them a signal.”

With her book in hand, you just might discover that the man of your choice is not impossible to find after all.

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