PUBLISHED: February 27, 2005
By Gina Joseph
Macomb Daily Staff Writer

As long as there are men and women, there will be a need for relationship books such as Margaret Kent's million-seller, "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice" (Warner Books Trade Paperback, $12.95).

After all, dating Mr. Right is one thing.

Getting Mr. Right to fall in love and tie the triumph knot is quite another.

"You've got to meet him first," said Kent, during a recent telephone interview. "After that, you've got to get to know him, and interview him for the job of being your husband."

A longtime Miami resident and lawyer, Kent has had the good fortune of meeting two men she wanted to marry. George was her first husband. She loved him dearly for 10 years. After George's unexpected death, Kent spent a year in deep mourning. Then, deciding it was time to start living again, she began law school and a new search for another great husband -- despite being almost 40. She became an attorney in Florida before meeting and marrying the second love of her life, Robert, a renowned tax expert.

"I went to a party where he was a guest of honor and I decided I wanted him," Kent said. "We've been married for 23 years."

Kent's successful marriage and much of what is shared in her New York Times best seller -- which, by the way, has been used by men as a guide to finding the woman of their choice -- stems from her youth.

"I was the hen in the rooster house," Kent said. "Growing up as the only female in a large family, with 10 cousins, all males, I learned a lot." As she explained to a reporter at the La isla Times, "I was able to notice the huge differences in the way men related to other men, and the way they treated me and other women. Men told other men, 'Hey, you're losing your hair. You're getting fat.' Among women they say nice things ... like 'What a lovely dress. Your hair looks great!' I was used to male behavior, so I told my girlfriends, 'You're getting chubby.' They were so upset. I learned from the very beginning that there was a great psychological difference. Men need a woman who wants to help and support them, but is not afraid to tell the truth. This basic knowledge of a male character is something that women can benefit from."

So where does one meet a future husband?

Not in a bar, that's for sure.

In fact, 49 percent of people who subscribed to Internet dating services during 2002 preferred this method rather than the bar world, and 88 percent of them felt more attracted toward a partner they met on the World Wide Web, according to www.match.com, an online dating site that claims to have hooked up hundreds of thousands of relationships for its members.

However, before visiting any love site, Kent recommends a little forethought.

Think about the man of your dreams. How will your ideal partner look? Do you have any requirements? Does he need a good job? Does he need to be single? What if he has children? What if he doesn't want children?

When Marnie Rhen, 32, of Troy agreed to go on a blind date with two other couples, she knew very little about the man. Only that he was fun and involved in the Grosse Pointe and Richmond community theaters.

It was like at first sight.

Rhen found her date, Christopher Oakley, 36, of Clinton Township, to be physically attractive. He was tall. He had "really nice brown hair" and "a great smile." Moreover, having friends he has known since elementary school and being a member of the community theaters tipped Rhen to his caring personality.

Their first date took place at Small Plates, a Detroit restaurant with good food and an atmosphere conducive to conversation. It was during this first chat that Rhen found out, most important to her, that Oakley had a great sense of humor.

"They have to be able to make me laugh," said Rhen. Children also were of importance to Rhen and, to her delight, one of the topics discussed right off the bat.

"When you're older and date, you start discussing issues of importance immediately," Rhen said. "We both wanted children."

Their blind date in May led to summer dinners and a Valentine's Day proposal. On April 30, the two will be wed at Grace Episcopal Church in Mount Clemens.

If you have good friends who have good friends, blind dates can work. But, what do you do if you're new in town? Where else can you find a soul mate?

"A church can be a suitable meeting ground, but only if you are very religious and you insist on marrying someone of the same faith. Be sure to tell your pastor you're looking," Kent states in Chapter 3 of her book. "Otherwise, you'll do better at your place of worship if it's open to the public."

As a guide, here are some of the places Kent suggests. You may have already tried a few, while others might surprise you.

1. Your place of work. Consider the men at work, but don't stop there. You can meet men on the job, such as suppliers or customers.

2. Bookstores are a great place to find someone with the same interests. Many such nooks serve coffee and can provide you with a venue for drinks and casual conversations. Some even have entertainment such as folk singers or poetry hours. "You're likely to meet more thoughtful men at the bookstore," Kent said. "Don't be too quiet and shy -- a bookstore is not a library. Ask him what book he recommends, and offer your advice."

3. Supermarkets in the early evening, when most single men are shopping. "Ask for help if you can't reach an item on the top shelf, but never act clumsy," Kent said. "Better yet, give him the chance to ask for your assistance in selecting produce."

4. Laundromats on evenings and weekends. "Bring extra bleach and fabric softener -- you'd be surprised what men forget when they do the laundry." Use the "Do you have change for the machine" approach.

5. Try the library if you don't have a bookstore nearby. "In a large library, you can pick your section -- and men very carefully," Kent said. The magazine section is the least formal, and the most conducive to conversation.

6. Bowling alleys have several advantages over other sport venues. They're open all year long and are inexpensive. "Besides, it's easier to socialize at a bowling alley," Kent said. "Players are seated right next to strangers, and skill levels are completely mixed. As a result, it's easy to meet someone new."

7. Civic or political groups can involve major commitments of time and effort, but they're a great way to meet interesting people.

8. School can offer enrichment and the opportunity for meeting men. Try taking a night class on fly-fishing or something that you know might be of interest to both genders. You might want to consider teaching a class. Kent met her first husband while teaching Spanish as a second language.

9. There's always more brewing in the coffeehouse than coffee.

10. Affinity clubs offer you a hobby and meeting place. Perhaps you'll meet someone with similar interests such as stamp, coin or record collecting. How about a book club? Discussing a new murder mystery book can be a great way to find out more about a person.

These are great suggestions. However, what if you don't have the gumption to approach a man?

"In that case, she should get a cat," Kent said, in the Times article. "The first task I assigned the ladies in my class was to say hello to 100 men. When I say greet 100 men, I do not mean say, 'Hi, handsome, I love your looks,' but rather 'Hi, how are you? Glad to meet you, nice shirt.' "

In most cases, people respond nicely to such gestures. If they don't, it's probably not someone you want to be with anyway.

Finally, be patient.

"What they say is true. There is someone for everybody," Rhen said. "I didn't believe it until Chris. "When I met him, I knew it was true. He's the one for me. He's my soul mate, definitely."

How to Marry the Man of Your Choice" (Warner Books Trade Paperback, $12.95) is available at most bookstores. For more tips, visit www.romanceroad.com.
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