So, ladies, you spent your teens looking for the party and your 20s finding yourself. But what are you looking for now? If census numbers are any indication, you might be hunting for a husband. Now, don't get all irritated. We fully understand there are plenty of single women out there - age 20, 30, even 60 - who couldn't care less about snagging a husband. And many more whose mate-search doesn't involve a Y chromosome. But we also get that certain set of women who can't imagine their lives complete without marriage. If you are one of those women, we wish a sincere good luck. When it comes to finding a man after age 30, the numbers are stacked against you. There are nearly a million-and-a-half unmarried women between 30 and 50, but only about 785,000 unmarried men in the same age bracket, according to analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data from 2003. Hence, the "hunting." With so many more available females, women are at a disadvantage when it comes to snagging a life partner, say local and national marriage experts. But take heart. We're here to help. (Feel free to ignore us if the words "wedding planner" make you want to ralph.) The secret to getting married is to forget about fairy tales and start thinking like a professional, said Amanda Richards, owner of Soulmates, a Tucson dating service. Yet, women don't approach dating like a business, she said. They treat it like a hobby. On the national scene, the word's the same, with two books on the market right now on the subject - Margaret Kent's "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice," and "Get Serious About Getting Married" by Janis Spindel. In the books, Kent and Spindel advise women who are serious about landing a husband to treat the search like a job, ready to invest energy and finances. Kent's advice is actually nothing new; she first published "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice" in 1984. Since that time, she's had countless women call her and tell her they've landed the man of their dreams by following her lead. Her strategy is fairly straightforward: Learn to approach men - or at least learn how to be approachable to them - and do a lot more listening than talking, at least in the beginning. In other words: Make the first move, then shut up. "We'd do so much better if, in the first 36 hours you know a guy, you kept your mouth shut," Kent said. "Look, the person who talks first falls in love first." Treat dates like a job interview and use them to learn about the man's history and what he's likely to be like in the future. Toss him immediately if you realize he's not for you. "It's calculated, but it's not cold and calculated," Kent said. Another tip: Ask open-ended and leading questions. Richards, the Tucson expert, also puts stock in the leading-question bit, but cautions that first-date chatter should stay light. "Never talk about religion, politics or ex-relationships on a first date," Richards said. And to get that first date, let friends and family know you're looking. Kent's book includes ideas about how to start conversations with the opposite sex. She proposes asking the man how he came to live here, what he likes best about the city, how long he plans to stay and how he has managed to make friends. She also suggests stroking his ego at every natural opportunity. Ask him, for example, when he first knew he was "unique." It sounds ridiculous, Kent said, but "women are shocked how seriously men answer." Men, Kent contends, are insecure creatures. They're afraid of rejection, which is why learning to approach men is so important. And while women reassure and bolster one another, men rarely do. "If a woman gets stood up for a blind date, her friends will say 'What a jerk' or 'He's the one who lost out.' Men will say, 'She probably found out what you were like and ran away,' " Kent said. Jeanie McCleese, who is 41 and single, has had success approaching men around town. She says come-on's such as, "You look good" or "You have big arms. Can I touch them?" nearly always get a conversation started. Breaking the ice, Kent said, is a necessary first step. "Let the man know that if he approaches you, you're not going to tell him to go away." The idea of husband-hunting doesn't exactly mesh with the feminist mystique, but at the heart of all this old-fashioned advice is a decidedly take-charge, pro-female message: If there's something you want in your life, don't sit around and wait for it to happen. That's certainly what you can glean from "Get Serious About Getting Married" by Janis Spindel, a professional matchmaker who claims credit for more than 700 marriages, agrees. "I picked up my husband," she said. Spindel is matter-of-fact about what it takes to attract a man's interest. Her clients, who are all men, say women "have to be pretty and they have to be thin." Spindel recommends setting a budget for self-improvement: new clothing, a haircut, a makeover, manicures and pedicures, a personal trainer for weight loss and even - if the woman isn't averse to the idea - plastic surgery. "That being said, attraction isn't all about appearance," Spindel said. "It's all about how you carry yourself." Men, Spindel said, are attracted by confidence, and a woman feels most confident when she looks her best. It may seem superficial, but the importance of looks can't be denied, said Cindy Stevens, 34, an assertive blonde who works as a claims adjuster in Tucson. Stevens said Spindel's budget idea is smart, and, for her, surgical enhancement wouldn't be out of the question if she had the cash. Tina Lopez, a 30-year-old third-grade teacher who moonlights in retail at the clothing store Bebe, says she thinks the author's strategies make a lot of sense. The energetic, well-groomed young woman says she doesn't understand why society looks down on those who go through dating services or other more formal means of finding a match. "People give it a negative connotation to go online or look in the paper, but why wouldn't you trust a professional? We're not business oriented, but maybe we should be," she said. Lopez describes herself as "very happy," but she says she's in the process of taking another of Spindel's suggestions to heart: She's moving to Philadelphia because Tucson's dating scene isn't offering her what she wants. "The older I get, the more I have standards," Lopez said. She says putting in effort is going to be necessary to meet those standards. "Society needs to embrace that," Lopez said, "instead of looking at it as something desperate."